Caroline Turner, SEND Parent.
Support and training for SEND parents navigating autism, ADHD, school attendance and EBSA, EHCPs, exclusions, and mental health challenges in England.
When it all began, all those years ago, I had no idea.
The A-word wasn’t on my radar in the early years. I knew NOTHING - I mean, nothing. Everything seemed fine.
Looking back, there were signs, but they were subtle. There was eye contact. Affection. Friends. In structured settings, things seemed fine, and any difficulties were explained away as personality, sensitivity, cleverness, or just being a bit different.
Referrals were made by the school and GP, and on the same day I was seen by Paediatrics in the morning and CAMHS in the afternoon - ironic, I know. And that’s when the words…
“Autism Spectrum...” entered my world for the first time.
I was gobsmacked.
I left their office with a handful of leaflets and instructions to contact a local charity.
No next steps.
No real guidance.
Just a waiting list for a parenting course that wouldn’t have space for over a year.
That was it!
I left their office with a handful of leaflets and instructions to contact a local charity.
Second Time Around...
It wasn’t a shock; I had experience, I'd done my own research.
I already knew - many parents do.
You see the signs, you know your child - you just need someone to listen and put it on paper.
But getting that diagnosis?
That was another waiting list... and more time wasted!
What I’ve Lived and Learned
Every bullet point below has a story behind it - experience, things I learned, sometimes the hard way.
What I plan to share comes from those experiences, in the hope that it helps another parent feel less alone - and maybe avoid a few “I should have…” moments.
School & Education
- 5 mainstream schools and 3 specialist settings
- Illegal and legal exclusions along the way
- Physical restraint in school
- Meltdowns at home linked to school stress
- Periods of no education and Section 19 requests
- Professional tutoring at home (primary and secondary)
- Home education while challenging the system
- Online schools and phased reintegration after absence (two weeks to two years)
- Supporting dysregulation at school and at home
- Navigating university support, post-EHCP
- Countless requests for meetings - often gaslighted or ignored
- Trying to get action on bullying by peers and staff
- Keeping a strong paper trail - but sometimes missing the mark; countless “I should have…” moments
Health & Support
- Countless appointments with doctors, nurses, therapists
- Fighting to access amazing support from the local hospital school
- Working with multiple Early Support and Adolescent Early Support staff - some outstanding, some not so
- Building a strong working relationship with CAMHS after early frustrations and closed cases
- Completing training courses by different charities, early support and CAMHS-led on anxiety and behavioural support
- Accessing personal therapy and medication to cope with the constant strain
- Receiving support for Complex PTSD - how does sending your child to school and dealing with the LA lead to this?! That blows my mind!
- Supporting my children through sensory needs, years of serious sleep issues, food struggles, and self-harm
- Learning how to support burnout - finding ways to recover, rebuild, and keep going.
Legal & Admin
- 2 EHCP applications - and all the waiting in between
- Naming and securing an independent non–section 41 school
- Formal complaints to stage 5 (schools)
- Formal complaints to the LA (stages 1 & 2) and escalated to the LGO
- SARs across six different points (schools and LA)
- Follow-ups with the ICO, Department for Education, and Ofsted
- 2 Tribunal applications - personally writing the legal bundles, both conceded by the LA
- Personally preparing all legal documents and bundles (using AI for research, drafting, and organisation)
- Appealing DLA and presenting to the panel
- Giving evidence to the LA scrutiny committee and volunteering to improve local SEND systems
And there's more... Anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, PDA, teenager Tourette syndrome/tic disorders, ARFID, sleep disorders, sensory processing differences, emotional dysregulation, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, auditory processing differences, slow processing speed, IBS / gut issues, chronic fatigue, hypermobility, CPTSD - and at one point, burnout that meant nearly two years of not leaving the house.
I'm sure you get the picture.
It's been a lot!
Whilst my experience with the system and laws is specific to England, where I live, the challenges themselves are shared by families everywhere.
There are no borders in the lives we live.
And Then There’s Everything Else
Beyond what the professionals see or the words on paperwork, there’s the life that happens behind closed doors
The part no one sees or understands, unless they've lived it!
Having to stop work. Financial hardship.
Isolation. Judgement.
People who think they know better because they read something online.
The public meltdowns - the stares.
The endless waiting - for assessments, emails, meetings, phone calls, appointments.
The exhaustion that seeps into your bones.
The sensory struggles - socks, toothbrushes, toothpaste.
The endless replacements - hoovers, TVs, phones, screens (so many screens).
Holes in walls. Smashed doors.
Preparing every outing like a military operation, constantly on guard or walking on eggshells.
The Reality of "our" daily life
From Gobsmacked to Planning
Looking back now, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.
Not for what we went through - I wouldn’t wish that on anyone - but for the experiences that came before it all.
The truth is, years spent helping people grow and thrive gave me the insight I never imagined I’d one day rely on as a mum.
I started working on cruise ships in '93, leading international teams before being promoted to the company's HQ as a trainer, to all new staff from across the globe.
I didn't know it at the time, but that role changed everything!
From Ships and Boardrooms to SEND
That first training role gave me a glimpse into how people learn, what motivates them, and how to help them reach their potential.
It led to a 25+ year career in designing and delivering training for teams, managers, and business owners from across the world.
And then, one day, I found myself using every bit of that knowledge at home
I didn't just "parent" I planned and designed support, development of skills and growth for my children.
What Comes Next
With all this lived experience as a professional trainer and a parent, plus years navigating the system behind me, I want to do something with all of this knowledge. To turn my experience into something good. I can’t stop other parents from facing their own battles;
I wish I could.
So if sharing what I’ve learned, along with the tools and systems that helped me, helps someone feel more prepared, more informed, and a little less alone.
Then that’s exactly what I’m here to do - and keep doing, for as long as parents need it.
Over the years, I’ve been on many “parent” training courses, and I know how frustrating that can be - especially when the struggle isn’t at home, but you still have to tick the box of going.
Always!
I took the approach that if I could take away just one useful tip, system, or technique, it was worth it.
However, as someone who designs training, I often found them not always practically useful.
After waiting 12 to 18 months, it was often disappointing.
But I ticked the box!
I can’t promise you’ll find all the answers - every child and situation is unique.
But I can promise genuine intent to try to make a difference, offer practical support, and provide helpful tools, in the hope of guiding you through the system and supporting your child and family.
Because no parent should have to start from scratch like I did.
I’ve shared who I am, my experience, and my plan - now it’s up to you.
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